This post originally appeared on the Kyle Cooper: Sportscaster Facebook page, 27 November 2014.
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(Warning: The following contains grown-up language.)
This is one of the funniest pieces of sportswriting I've read in a looooooong time.
It's not that it centers on Vikings fans, or comes from a Follower of the Blonde Braids -- you could slip any team into that spot and it would still be hilarious.
Drew Magary is spot-on about fandom, especially football fandom: You pick your team and it's your team for life. If you abandon that team because of some hot chick, or an entree, or meeting a celebrity, you're a turncoat and a failure. Tape your ankles, because you don't want to break one hopping from bandwagon to bandwagon.
From my (lifelong Packer fan) perspective, I could meet Roger Staubach or Jack Lambert, or have a nice steak at one of Ditka's restaurants, and there's no way in hell I'd even contemplate forsaking my team for the Cowboys, Steelers or Bears. It. Just. Would. Not. Happen.
The greatest hamburger I've ever had in my life was in Minnesota -- seriously, it was so good, it changed my outlook on life -- but there is absolutely zero chance it would make me come remotely close to even thinking about considering the remote possibility of following the Vikings.
(Helpful tip: Magary's work is more rant than column, and if you read it like a rant, it becomes even funnier.)